the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
