i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
