I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
