the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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