So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
