i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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