Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
