he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
