and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
