last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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