Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
