YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
