you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize