Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
