You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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