Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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