I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
