proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
