The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not