she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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