New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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