im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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