That's when you crack a 10am beer
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
