My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
