I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
