SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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