i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
