The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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