woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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