I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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