I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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