dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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