i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize