i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.