I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.