the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex