Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I told you penises don't tan
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Rumble strips road head = magical
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head