we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
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Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
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i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it