Texts From Last Night

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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.

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  (267): i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE. http://tfl.nu/7rd6
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'

  (224): View more from Illinois

  Im going to research this theory. . .

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  (224): Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex' (224): Im going to research this theory. . . http://tfl.nu/7c0k
  Replies (47) Good night (3622) Bad night (437)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....

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  (501): so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened.... http://tfl.nu/g3ve
  Replies (39) Good night (533) Bad night (6351)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.

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  (405): I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus. http://tfl.nu/spp0
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.

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  (918): no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh. http://tfl.nu/6iss
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.

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  (404): boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am. http://tfl.nu/8njg
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.

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  (503): Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter. http://tfl.nu/kpej
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning

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  (414): I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning http://tfl.nu/2xis
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  (807): View more from Ontario

  at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.

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  (807): at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket. http://tfl.nu/odip
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.

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  (405): Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved. http://tfl.nu/fkxo
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Sidenote...no idea how to salsa

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  (502): Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing (502): Sidenote...no idea how to salsa http://tfl.nu/2bal
  Replies (2) Good night (1484) Bad night (403)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.

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  (604): Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over. http://tfl.nu/sa4q
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?

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  (504): Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh? http://tfl.nu/qv7w
  Replies (4) Good night (320) Bad night (642)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.

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  (780): You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic. http://tfl.nu/85dj
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  (619): View more from California

  Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?

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  (619): Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit? http://tfl.nu/j01e
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