Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
it's like iHOP with fire
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
