she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
