dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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