I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
