I just pynch a tree in the face
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
