You just made me feel so damn special
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Randomize
