I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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