I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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