This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
