he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
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