You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
