New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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