I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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