loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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