dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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