I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize