I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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