I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Someone came in the potted fern
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
