i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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