I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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