I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
