i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
