Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
