You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
