I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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