if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I have aggressive nipples.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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