either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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