i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Just cropdusted the office
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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