It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
