Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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