ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
