I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
