I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
