That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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