Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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