The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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