please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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